Friendship is one of life’s greatest treasures, filled with unforgettable moments, inside jokes, and the kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt.
From the friends who have seen you at your worst yet somehow still answer your texts, to the ones who know your deepest secrets but haven’t used them against you (yet), these relationships deserve to be celebrated with humor.
True friendship isn’t just about being there during the tough times—it’s also about making fun of each other mercilessly and still wanting to hang out afterward.
Funny Friendship Quotes
Whether you’re looking for the perfect caption for that embarrassing photo of your bestie, searching for something witty to write in a birthday card, or simply need a reminder of why you keep these wonderful weirdos in your life, these 95 funny friendship quotes capture the hilarious reality of what it means to have partners in crime who know the real you and like you anyway.
Friends Who Keep Secrets
- “A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move a body.”
- “Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
- “A true friend is someone who knows all your passwords and still chooses to be your friend.”
- “Friends don’t let friends do stupid things… alone.”
- “I would take a bullet for my friend. Not in the head, but maybe in the leg.”
- “Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.”
- “Friends are people who know you’re weird and like you anyway.”
- “A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying, ‘That was awesome!'”
- “Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.”
- “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
Brutally Honest Buddies
- “We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends!”
- “I hope we’re friends until we die. Then, I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare people.”
- “You’re the friend I’d share my last piece of pizza with, and that’s saying something.”
- “I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.”
- “You’re weird. I like you.”
- “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. Best friends bring popcorn and ask who we’re plotting against.”
- “If you trip and fall, I’ll be there to laugh at you.”
- “We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
- “True friendship is walking into each other’s homes and raiding the fridge.”
- “You’re the kind of friend I’d rescue first in a zombie apocalypse.”
Sarcasm Between Besties
- “Your secrets are safe with me… and all my friends I told.”
- “If we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
- “I’ll always be there for you, unless you need help moving. Or it’s too early. Or I’m too tired. Or it’s raining.”
- “Friendship is so weird… you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like ‘Yep, I like this one’ and you just do stuff with them.”
- “We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.”
- “I love how we can be completely stupid together and still be considered mature adults.”
- “Sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.”
- “You’re the friend that everyone else wishes they had. (Don’t let that go to your head.)”
- “I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the face though. Maybe like, in the leg or something.”
- “Our friendship is like the little black dress in your closet. Perfect for all occasions and always makes you look good.”
Friendship Realities
- “We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.”
- “We’ve been friends for so long that you’ve started to look normal to me.”
- “Friends come and go like waves of the ocean, but true friends stay like an octopus on your face.”
- “I love you from my head to-ma-toes.”
- “Best friends steal your stuff without asking, but there’s no one else you’d rather have stealing your stuff.”
- “A best friend is like your favorite bra: supportive, comfortable, hard to find, and close to your heart.”
- “Friends don’t let friends do silly things alone.”
- “We’re gonna be the old ladies who cause trouble in nursing homes.”
- “A good friend knows all your stories. A best friend helped you write them.”
- “I’ll be your friend even when you’re old and start wearing elastic waistbands.”
Partners In Crime
- “We’ve been friends so long, I can’t remember who’s the bad influence.”
- “Friends don’t let friends do stupid things… without video evidence.”
- “You’re the person I can call at 3 AM to help me hide a body. (Just kidding, FBI agent reading this.)”
- “Friends knock on the front door. Best friends walk into your house and start eating.”
- “True friendship is when you walk into their house and your WiFi connects automatically.”
- “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.”
- “Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.”
- “I hope we’re still friends when we’re old and can’t remember why we’re friends.”
- “A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though they know you’re slightly cracked.”
- “Friends give compliments. Best friends give insults they don’t really mean.”
Tech-Era Friendships
- “A real friend is someone who won’t call the police when they see your weird Google searches.”
- “Thanks for always ‘liking’ my posts, even when they’re super lame.”
- “A true friend is someone who will untag you in an unflattering photo.”
- “We’ve been friends so long we have our own language of memes and gifs.”
- “Best friends don’t judge your phone battery percentage.”
- “Good friends will tag you in memes. Best friends will text you memes at 3 AM.”
- “A true friend is someone you can FaceTime without makeup and with three chins showing.”
- “Friends accept your follow request. Best friends stalk your ex’s new girlfriend with you.”
- “Real friendship is when you text each other from different rooms in the same house.”
- “Best friends don’t care if your Instagram feed is perfect. They care that you’re in the photos with them.”
Food Friendship Goals
- “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.”
- “We go together like cupcakes and frosting.”
- “True friendship is eating all the French fries and not feeling guilty about it.”
- “I like you because you join in on my weirdness.”
- “You’re the French to my fries.”
- “We’re like coffee and donuts. Separately great but together… magical.”
- “Friends share dessert. Best friends get two desserts and share both.”
- “Friendship is finding someone who tolerates your hangry moods.”
- “We’re a package deal. Like bacon and eggs, except better looking.”
- “We’re best friends because diet talk is forbidden between us.”
Wisdom In Wisecracks
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
- “True friendship is like coming home after a long day and just lying on the floor together.”
- “A true friend is someone who will tell you when you have spinach in your teeth… after taking a picture first.”
- “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'”
- “Friendship means never having to apologize for the weird voices you make together.”
- “The best kind of friendships are fierce lady friendships where you aggressively believe in each other.”
- “A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a friend who only knows your smile.”
- “Friendship is like finding money you didn’t know you had in your pocket.”
- “True friendship is when someone knows exactly what to order for you at the drive-thru.”
- “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
Through Thick And Thin
- “Friends help you find your way when you’re lost. Best friends are the reason you got lost in the first place.”
- “A best friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.”
- “Friendship means I’ll walk to the end of the earth with you… as long as there are snacks.”
- “A friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, ‘Why the heck did you reject my friend?'”
- “A best friend is the one who walks in when everyone else walks out.”
- “Friendship means understanding that we’re all a little messed up, but we love each other anyway.”
- “Friends pick us up when we fall down, and if they can’t, they lie down and listen for a while.”
- “Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… it’s about who came and never left your side.”
- “Life doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with a friend who has your back.”
- “Sometimes, being with your best friend is all the therapy you need.”
Conclusion
In a world where everything seems to be moving at lightning speed, these funny friendship quotes remind us to pause and cherish the extraordinary people who choose to stay in our lives despite knowing all our quirks and flaws.
True friendship isn’t just about the profound moments—it’s equally about the absurd inside jokes, midnight fast-food runs, and ridiculous adventures that make for the best stories years later. The friends who make us laugh until our sides hurt are often the same ones who wipe away our tears.
They’re the ones who know exactly when to offer a listening ear or a sarcastic comment (usually the latter). So share these quotes with your favorite humans, tag them in embarrassing throwback photos, and remember that in the story of your life, friends are the co-authors who help write the most hilarious chapters.