Relationships are beautiful, messy, complicated, and absolutely hilarious. From the awkward first dates to the comfortable silence of long-term partnerships, there’s humor to be found in every stage of love. These moments of laughter often serve as the glue that helps couples navigate through challenging times.
After all, what’s better than sharing a good laugh with the person you love? Whether you’re newly smitten, celebrating decades together, or somewhere in between, a little relationship humor can brighten your day and remind you not to take everything so seriously.
In this collection of 90 funny relationship quotes, we’ve gathered the most relatable, chuckle-worthy observations about love, marriage, dating, and everything in between.
Funny Relationship Quotes
Perfect for sharing with your significant other, posting on social media, or simply enjoying a moment of levity when relationship struggles have you feeling down. So sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh at the beautiful chaos that is modern romance.
Love at First Sight
- “Love at first sight is possible, but it’s advisable to take a second look.”
- “I knew it was love at first sight because I felt nauseous and couldn’t form complete sentences.”
- “I believe in love at first sight, but I’ll always schedule a second viewing just to be sure.”
- “Love at first sight is what happens when you haven’t seen your bank account in a while.”
- “I knew it was love when I saw you and forgot my pick-up line completely.”
Dating Adventures
- “Dating is just interviewing someone for the position of future ex.”
- “My dating history is longer than a CVS receipt.”
- “Dating me is like a box of chocolates—half of me is sweet, the other half is nuts.”
- “Dating is where you pretend to be much nicer than you actually are.”
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”
- “A first date is like a job interview, except there’s alcohol and you might kiss at the end.”
- “Dating me is like trying to fold a fitted sheet—confusing, frustrating, but worth the effort.”
- “I’m terrible at first dates. I either talk too much or sit there silently wondering if my face looks weird.”
- “My idea of a perfect date? DD/MM/YYYY. No ambiguity.”
- “The dating world is so competitive these days. I’m just trying to get past the group stage.”
Marriage Realities
- “Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “By all means, marry. If you get a good spouse, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
- “Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.”
- “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
- “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”
- “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
- “Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.”
- “My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.”
Communication Woes
- “My partner and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
- “The secret to a long-lasting relationship is… Sorry, what was the question? I wasn’t listening.”
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
- “My partner asked what I was thinking about. If I was honest, I’d say ‘nothing’—but I know better than that.”
- “My idea of effective communication is waiting until my partner is hangry to bring up important topics.”
- “The biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply.”
- “Nothing says ‘I love you’ like ‘I saved you the last piece of pizza.'”
- “Texting your partner from another room is modern romance at its finest.”
- “In a relationship, ‘fine’ is the word you use when you want to end the conversation.”
- “Marriage: A word that should be pronounced ‘merry-age’ but sometimes feels like ‘misery-age’.”
Romantic Expectations
- “I want someone who looks at me the way I look at food.”
- “Romance is the icing, but compatibility is the cake.”
- “My love language is ‘leave me alone while staying in the same room.'”
- “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
- “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably looking for their charger.”
- “I need a romance that’s as strong as my WiFi connection.”
- “Romantic expectation: surprising me with flowers. Reality: surprising me by washing the dishes.”
- “Expectations in relationships are like fine china—beautiful but likely to get broken.”
- “The best romance is when your partner remembers what you want at the drive-thru without asking.”
Arguments and Makeup
- “I was going to divorce my wife for being obsessive and persnickety, but she already had all the paperwork filled out.”
- “Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge instead.”
- “In a relationship, being right isn’t nearly as important as being kind… is what I tell my partner when they’re wrong.”
- “I told my wife I wanted space. She locked me outside.”
- “Relationships are like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”
- “The silent treatment is not punishment. It’s a gift of peace and quiet.”
- “The quickest way to resolve an argument is to admit you’re wrong, even when you’re not… especially when you’re not.”
- “The secret to a happy relationship is finding someone who hates the same people you do.”
- “The difference between ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’ is enormous. Just ask the person at the funeral.”
- “The best revenge is living well. The second best is changing the WiFi password.”
Relationship Quirks
- “My girlfriend thinks I don’t respect her personal space, at least that’s what she wrote in her diary.”
- “My partner and I decided we don’t want children. We’re telling them tonight.”
- “My partner asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said ‘Nothing would make me happier than a new computer.’ And that’s exactly what I got—nothing.”
- “I asked my partner to embrace their mistakes. They gave me a hug.”
- “Relationships are like fat people—not going to work out.”
- “Being in a relationship means finally having someone whose Netflix you can steal.”
- “Relationships these days are harder than calculus.”
- “Holding a grudge in a relationship is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
- “Having a soulmate is nice, but having someone who will eat the food you don’t want is nicer.”
- “Love is when you hate someone so much but you still want them in your life.”
Long-term Love
- “After 40 years of marriage, we’ve reached the point where my wife finishes my sentences… Usually with ‘shut up.'”
- “The longer the relationship, the shorter the sentences.”
- “Growing old together means one of you will go deaf and the other will go mute from not being heard.”
- “Long-term relationships come down to this: Which one of you will kill the spider?”
- “The secret to our long marriage is that we take time to go to a restaurant twice a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
- “The best thing about being single is not having to shave your legs. The best thing about being in a long-term relationship is not having to shave your legs.”
- “In a long relationship, it’s not about finding someone you can live with—it’s finding someone you can’t live without.”
- “I’ve been with my partner so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
- “True love is when you put down your phone to listen to them talk, even during the middle of a really good TikTok scroll.”
- “A successful long-term relationship is basically just two people deciding to keep the same secret.”
Conclusion
From first dates to golden anniversaries, these 90 funny relationship quotes remind us that humor truly is the heart of lasting love. While relationships demand work, patience, and understanding, they also offer countless moments of joy and laughter along the way.
The ability to laugh together—especially during challenging times—creates resilience and strengthens bonds in ways nothing else can. Whether you’re currently navigating the dating scene, settling into a new relationship, or celebrating decades with your partner, remember that a shared laugh can bridge almost any gap.
As these quotes demonstrate, love may be complicated and occasionally absurd, but a healthy dose of humor keeps things in perspective. So, embrace the quirks, celebrate the chaos, and don’t forget to laugh at yourselves—it’s the surest path to relationship happiness.